The article critically examines the assumption implicit in the research on social solidarity and popular attitudes that institutional solidarity equates with mutual care in society. Following a review of a selection of recent empirical research on social solidarity and popular attitudes to welfare it is concluded that the evidence points to general support for welfare based on self-interest and the principle of mutual insurance rather than social altruism. The analysis proceeds by arguing that social and economic changes which have resulted in social polarisation have weakened ‘functional democracy’ (the reciprocal dependency of one social group or class on another) leading to possible ‘decivilising tendencies’ and a decline in mutual empathy. The article argues that post-emotionalism may be the result of these processes: the breakdown in mutual knowledge across the class divide; the intellectualisation of feelings; interaction based on false ‘niceness’; the manipulation of emotions. The paper concludes by suggesting that post-emotional attitudes are the by-product of government social steering towards amoral familism in social policy through the provision of a ‘vocabulary of motives’ which are negative to state welfare.